TROLLING IS A ART

For those of you who live in a cave on Mars, this is LMFAO. They released the song Party Rock Anthem into the world a few months ago and since then it has been EVERYWHERE. On the radio, played in shopping centers and fast food places alike.

I hate them. I hate them so much that if I saw them in the street I would collapse and die of a rage overdose. I don’t hate them because I think their music is particularly shit. To me anything that sounds like it could be blasting from the bowels of the shittiest, skankiest dives of the planet sounds more or less the same. And by that I mean totally devoid of any thought or artistic/musical merit.

LMFAO triggered my rage cannon once I saw the filmclip for their magnum opus. Come on guys. Look at them. Just fucking look at them.

I don’t mean that they look stupid, though they certainly do. What I mean is it is blatant demographic pandering. They look like every marketing executive that specialized in modern youth culture jumped into a blender and this is the smoothie they ended up with. They dress like hipsters, talk like rappers, dance like rave kids, and jump on the back of just about every bandwagon that they can find. Shuffling only recently became a big thing in the US, and not content with just being aware of it, apparently LMFAO have included it in their daily schedule.

This is why they did so well. This is why they have overtaken Lady Gaga, queen of the ‘LOLCOZICAN’ attitude. Because there is something for almost every demographic under the age of 30 to get out of this monstrosity. I have to commend them on it. I really do. It is just so neutral, so blank slate. The hipsters will at least commend the irony of setting the thrifty clothes against something so mainstream, the hardcore dickies kids might like the lyrics or the bass, the ravekids will like the music and the shuffling references.

But they seem to have ignored where Shuffling came from. Melbourne. That’s right, beautiful sunny Melbourne. As in Australia. Guess what else came from Australia?

Do you see LMFAO throwing in a halftime breakdown? A little crabcoring maybe? A solo in harmonic minor? Nope. Because metal fanatics are wayyyy too smart to fall for that shit (exhibit A). And everyone else is too terrified of being construed with the emo clique (a struggle I live with daily) to even go anywhere near it.

LMFAO are further diluting the talent pool. And they don’t even have any, except admittedly being OK dancers. It’s no secret that metal fans go through period adoration of bands, my favorite band changes about twice a month, at the moment it’s Meshuggah. I love these guys because they have a niche no one else can fill, they play in some fucking batshit crazy time signatures and their drummer is probably one of the best I have ever heard. Not only that but Fredrik Thordendal, the lead player, has got to have some kind of mechanical wrist with the rate the man shreds at. It rivals the man himself, Kerry King. So to illustrate my point, here is where the talent from Meshuggah comes from.



My god that man is ugly. For comparison here is where all the talent from LMFAO comes from.



People do it for them. Million dollar studios and marketing execs and corporate sponsors pour money into these guys to make them look and sound and act just right so you people will gobble their shit up while poor old Fredrik up there has to live with being in a band no one has heard of, and that most people can’t pronounce, all the while being able to wipe the floor with those two worthless sacks of pseudo-hipster garbage in terms of talent and musicianship. Not only that but he has a face like a fucking smashed crab.

For every LMFAO album you buy you are sending an even clearer message to the people at the top, and the messages says ‘hey guys, we do not give a shit if anyone has any real skill or talent or originality, just keep producing the same shit about various aspects of the entire ass-backwards nightclub experience and we will continue to give you our money.’ If the guys in LMFAO died, I would actually have a better day than if they didn’t. Because if this problem is not expunged it will get worse and pretty soon every studio executive will have a ‘produce number one single’ button on his desk and people will still buy it. If the formula becomes easy enough to replicate no one will ever do anything different.