Although it baffles me, I am forced to concede that there are people out there who do not agree with everything I say. I like to call these people “Limey Bastards”.
The biggest thing I find people disagree openly with me about is my choice in music. This is not surprising since this generations music choice is last generations drug selection, it pretty much puts you in a ‘niche’ that tells people immediately whether you will ever get on well or not.
Think of yourselves as tiny brained chickens (not a big step I know). You live in a cage. You are not aware of life outside this cage, but you are fed, you are warm and you are dry so you don’t bitch too much.
You don’t tend to hear much music but what is on the radio. This radio is your cage. You grew up with the radio telling you what was new, what was good, you fell for the media empires stunt of coordinating the radio with advertising on tv and in shops to get you to buy the fucking recycled garbage you all seem dedicated to subjecting yourselves too. In the 90’s it was hip hop, these days it’s more House and R&B, but it’s always something, and you always fall for it. Every single one of you. You let people TELL you what’s good, and you just fucking swallow it. I can’t blame you because you are not very intelligent and these people are very good at what you do.
But beyond the radio, you only really have two options. You can tune into JJJ every morning and go down the Hipster path, which I dealt with in my first ever blog on this page, or you can ascend to the mightiest, the most hardcore, the most brutal of all men and women to have ever graced the planet, the Metalheads.
A very famous fat man once said that you can’t kill the metal (dunnunun dunellen denenelenelnanyenerw dunnunun dunellen denelenerw). He was spot on. Since it’s very foundation, arguably dating back to the late ’60s, metal has always been there, under the surface most of the time, where it was happy. Away from the prying eyes of a degenerate masses. The metalheads of yore moshed, punched, headbanged and threw horns up at their idols. There was not, and still is not a more die-hard group of fans anywhere. Metal fans literally BLEED for their music, hundreds of people run full speed head first at each other in a line (youtube search Wall of Death), groups of us run in circles and punch each other in time with the most brutal of breakdowns.
If you went to say a Lamb of God concert and started dancing like you were at Fannys you would get kangaroo kicked in the back of the fucking head before you could say ‘Why is he yelling so much?’
And they do yell a lot. Because they bleed for it too. There is no genre of music where the band gets more passionate about what they do. Windmills that risk permanent spinal cord damage, growling vocals that literally destroy a mans blood vessels in his throat (wiki: M. Shadows, from Avenged Sevenfold), ridiculous amounts of alcohol intake (see Dimebag Darrell).
Basically you might not like metal because you like your music superficial. You like it to sound and ‘look’ just the way it is supposed too, scantily clad women on every album cover, stupid autotuning and electronically produced basslines, sampled vocals that don’t even make sense at all (BARBRA STREISAND), moronic dances (the salmon dance) that nobody even likes enough to get HURT over, people who can’t sing and do not possess any talent whatsoever apart from having $20 for a rhyming dictionary (anyone who has ever rapped).
You like your music predictable. You like to know you can expect shitty sampling, or the same R&B song that has been written every month for the past 10 years. There are those who say that all heavy metal songs sound the same. But they are merely intimidated by the sheer volume of metal available for consumption. Hardcore, death metal, metalcore, thrash metal, classic metal, black metal, hair metal, the list just goes on and on and on, each subgenre having its own unique stylings, Hardcore with its emphasis on moshing and brutal breakdowns, metalcore, fusing aspects of hardcore with solos and technical riffage, death metal with its childish approach to violence and its illegible lyrics, thrash metal with its constant assault of fast and heavy riffs.
There is no genre so diverse. Every metalhead you meet will have a new band to show you that you will either love or hate, but no one cares as long as you can throw your horns up bang your head and praise satan.
So no, I do not blame you for not liking metal, I pity you, because me and my brethren have ascended beyond the need for your approval of our taste in music. We are everything you will never be, we are the way we are because we want to be not because we haven’t been given a choice. To quote the masters of the riff, Pantera, “Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me”.
Fuck you all, and happy moshing.
Edit: Some examples of various styles of metal.
The masters of Thrash Metal, Slayer!
Brain Drill, a perfect example of the darkest depths of death metal.
The Australian masters of metalcore, Parkway Drive.
Tech Metal GODS, Protest the Hero.
Opera Metal, anyone? Blind Guardian has what you need. Yes I am serious. Opera Metal.
Finally my personal favorite at the moment, TechnoCore up-and-comers Attack Attack! I am not kidding, techno-based hardcore. Check it.
