TROLLING IS A ART

It’s boxing day, at about 3pm. Your presents have all been charged, worn, set up or eaten accordingly. Everything is shut so you can’t go out and buy anything with your Christmas money and everyone’s too tired/hungover from Christmas to hang out.

You have little choice but to listen to absolutely every song ever written in the history of mankind.

So that’s totally what I did. Even if it’s an amateur guitarist sloppily messing around with E-Minor chords in his bedroom, I listened too it. Everything from obscure Swedish garage black-metal acts to hipster anthem #24525 in which Lior actually grows a set of balls (hahahaha psyche). And I’m happy to report that I have discovered the objectively greatest song ever written.

It was truly an eye-opening experience in which I learned what truly makes a song great. A sincerely amazing song must sum up the era which spawned it, while managing to aurally reproduce a facet of the human condition within its lyrics, melody and structure. In short, an honestly amazing artist should be able to write the human race.

But the human race is imperfect, we have unfulfilled desires and inflated opinions of ourselves nursed to fruition by necessity. After all, without a good self image one cannot truly be fulfilled.

Having said that, sometimes we need to be openly selfish. Sometimes the daily struggle we endure containing our selfish, childish, burning need for satiation of our desires is one we cannot always win. Sometimes we need to tell you what we want. What we really, really want.

There you have it. The greatest song ever written. I don’t like it any more than you do.